I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
