Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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