possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
