Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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