Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize