You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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