If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize