Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
