can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
