You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize