So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
