i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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