i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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