Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
