the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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