I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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