I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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