Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
