Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
