Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
