I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
