Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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