I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
