Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
