i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
