Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
