So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize