he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
