i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
