I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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