I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
