after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
