Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
