I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My life is pants optional.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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