Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
