I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize