y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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