Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
