Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
