gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
