god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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