to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize