I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
