when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
