I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
