their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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