Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
