Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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