So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
