Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
