do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
