Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
