Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
