I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
