Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
