I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
