i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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