is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
