Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
