sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
