how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
