his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
