dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
