I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
