So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
