I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
