sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
