Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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