I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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