feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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