but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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