Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dicks are not precious.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
