Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
