It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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