Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize