did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
