i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
