I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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