Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
