I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize