i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Send help, water and tortillas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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