I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
