Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
