If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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