This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
