i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
