I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
