we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
