i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize