Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
