I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
