They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
