Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
