if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
