She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
