Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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