Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
