All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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