I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
