Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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