ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
