when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
